SALAD

Boooo salad.

I'm not a rabbit. Leaves are not a meal. I don't care how many croutons and slices of grilled chicken are on it, or how drenched it is in salad dressing. All salad dressing is either too salty, too bitter, or too vinegary, and I don't need the judgy look when I pass up the salad bar.

I know what this makes me sound like. I live in Boulder. It's so taboo in such a health-crazed society to say that you don't like salad, like saying you like drinking liquified fat and popping sugar cubes. Stop making me feel like I can't hate salad! That's what drives me crazy. If you enjoy salad, please, go wild. But don't assume that just because you're eating a salad, that you're being healthy, or that hating salad means I'm not.

When did salad become a main dish, an entrée? The French, to whom this word belongs, eat their small salads after dinner. Besides, in order to make a salad a substantial meal, we pile them with croutons and ranch dressing--fatty carbohydrates which make your salad about as healthy as a slice of pizza.

It only shows what's so wrong with the American perspective on health, where so many people think that as long as a few sprigs of green are showing underneath a mound of toppings, it's healthy. Or even worse, like me, we pretend to like things because everyone has decided that if you don't like salad, you're a fat slob.

I have a theory that secretly, everybody actually hates salad. We eat it just to keep up appearances. Let's be honest, you look so nice and healthy with that salad on your plate. Go, you!

I will admit that every once in awhile, a salad with a few avocados and some balsamic can be a nice side dish. But there are also other ways to have a healthy, balanced meal that tastes good. No more guilt.

But by all means. Feel free to eat your lettuce and be sad.